


Newer Trenches

by EgocentricBerry (SkiiDiesu)



Series: Mirrors Ghost [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Military, Betrayal, Cake, College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heartache, Heavy Angst, Hero Complex, Hurt No Comfort, Invisible Scars, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Instability, Military Background, Military Training, Military Wives, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Promises, Racist Language, Self-Doubt, Serious Injuries, Soldiers, Trust Issues, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:52:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9194237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkiiDiesu/pseuds/EgocentricBerry
Summary: “Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.”― Henri J.M. Nouwen





	1. Where the Sun Doesn't Set

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates, please subscribe to the series and the story. c:
> 
> Official story for Soldier!Iwaizumi.  
> This story is not linked with Glass Hearts, Diamond Scratches - this is Iwaizumi's own story, a story had written for him a while ago being reanimated, revised, and brought to show!

_ How do you know it’s safe to give someone your all? How can you be sure this person won’t throw it away? Throw you away? How can you know that they’ll stick by your side, through thick and thin, for the good, and the bad, your darkest moments, and the times you smile? _

_ You don’t. People drift, people change, sometimes they never planned to stay but they do… _

Hand in hand, Iwaizumi peered up, eyes locking onto the blue hues of Kageyama, watching as the setter stepped back, pulling him up. Sneakers slipping slightly, Iwaizumi pushed himself up, standing beside Kageyama. A soft smile dressed Kageyama’s face as he turned his head away to look over the view of Miyagi. For hours, the two had been climbing, and it nearly killed Iwaizumi. He was strong, yeah, but Kageyama had planned his death. Starting them with a 30 mile run, then a 40 minute hike, just to end up rock climbing… Iwaizumi let out a big sigh, hands on his hips as he threw his head back. Kageyama was keeping track of his water intake, thankfully, because had it just been him, he would have finished the water so long ago. 

“You did great, Iwaizumi-san.” Kageyama congratulated, pulling his bag out and handing the water bottle over to his tired ace. 

Iwaizumi shook his head slightly, taking the bottle. He looked at Kageyama, truly studying the other’s face. He closed their small space, sliding a hand around the taller boy’s waist, and he pulled him closer, pecking his cheek. “I had to, you wouldn’t slow down.” 

“I want to go faster next time- A 40 mile run?” Kageyama teased, but the look on Iwaizumi’s face- the horror that crossed it so quickly, made Kageyama chuckle. He pulled his gaze away to stare out over the small town of his, tilting his head. 

_ You can never be sure of what will happen, who will stay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give it your all.  _

“I’m just joking. I won’t do that to you. 35 miles in the next goal.” The setter reassured.

“But you mean a month from now, right?” iwaizumi asked, finally cracking the bottle open and gulping it down. Kageyama stood quiet as he just stared out, tugging at the rope that was connecting him and Iwaizumi together. He loosened it up, dropping it on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“There’s a car up here we can drive back down.” Kageyama shrugged, once again, cracking a smirk at the expression Iwaizumi held. 

“I knew it.”

“What…?”

“You’re trying to kill me. There was a car the whole time, and you made me do all this-”

“The car ride back is your reward for doing so good, and joining me.” Kageyama interjected, plopping himself down to sit by the ropes. “It’s hard to find someone willing to accompany me. Hinata did it at first, but one time he got really sick, and for some reason it scarred him. Idiot did it to himself, running around too much instead of pacing himself. But whatever.” 

Iwaizumi made a small sound as he sat beside Kageyama, resting his weight against the other’s shoulder. “How often do you do this…?” 

“Are you only doing this because you  _ love _ me?” 

“If I have to be honest about it, yes. But if I’m going to keep this up, I need to mentally prepare myself for death each time.” 

Kageyama shook his head slightly, resting his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “You don’t have to join me if you don’t like it. I usually only do it two, maybe three, times a month… It’s a lot, but I feel like all the heaviness it takes to get to the end is just one big relief at the end. It makes volleyball feel like it’s easier…” 

Resting his head atop of Kageyama, Iwaizumi went a little quiet. Perhaps too quiet. Kageyama could feel his stomach turn already, and he peeked up a bit, looking over at Iwaizumi, breaking their position. “You’re not saying anything. Is something wrong? You really don’t have to join me.”

“Huh? Oh no… That’s not it. I was just thinking about this wasn’t as bad as boot camp training.” Iwaizumi shrugged. “That’s probably a billion times worse, and it makes me almost ashamed that I can’t complete this.”

“Well- they train you up to that in boot camp?” Kageyama said, raising a brow. “Don’t compare yourself to a soldier though. They’re in their own rank of strength.”

“Yeah, they are. But that’s why it’s scary, I guess? To know you have to be certain amount of strong, to know that you’ll have to carry machinery, ammunition, all of that junk, not to mention, they even have to swim with it- I wonder how many soldiers wonder what they got themselves into, or how many of them want to get out…” Iwaizumi rambled a bit, the focus in his eyes becoming distant, which only caused Kageyama to shift in front of him.

“Iwaizumi… What… Did you do…?”

Iwaizumi blinked those brown eyes, once more locking onto the blue ones. Kageyama’s features had shifted to worry, like he was bracing himself for something he didn’t want to hear. Iwaizumi broke the eye contact, bowing his head slightly as he scooped up Kageyama’s hand. “I’ve been in college for two years, and it’s not fitting for me. I had a long talk with my dad, and even my mom. I should have included you in these talks, but I was- so scared. You’re so important to me, and I had to get ready to face any outcomes this might cause between us. You’re the only one who exceeds in training regimens, and I knew I could get a taste of what I would be going through if I finally joined you. I don’t know my direction in life, I don’t know what I want to do. But I know that I want to bring honor to my family, and to you… Which, the job I’m going to take is much more controversial than that, but… Yeah. I don’t know. I’m taking the easy way out, I guess. I signed my name, and I belong to the government now… I joined the military without talking to you…”

“You’re a third year now, and I was scared to hold you back in any way, but I realized I was lost about myself, too… So before I got caught up in a circle of doubts and regrets, I just- went to a recruiter, passed the requirements, and I’m suppose to be leaving in a month to a base to start training.” Iwaizumi finished his words, feeling Kageyama’s shaking now, seeing him breathe shallowly but it still seemed heavy. When he finally looked back into those blue eyes, guilt crashed on him as he saw the tears that were forming at the corners of his lover’s eyes. 

“Why… Couldn’t you have talked to me about this sooner....?”

“You would have talked me out of it.”

“Yes! I don’t want to lose you to someone who is also only doing their job!” Kageyama exclaimed, “How am I going to sleep at night knowing that you’re out in some fucking desert or ocean, just sitting there, could be attacked, or attacking someone! What am I going to do if I get the news that you’re not coming back to me-”

“But what am I going to do if I just sit here drifting through the world without a clue to what I want? I won’t know what’s going to happen until I try.”

“Why do you even want to be apart of that?”

“Well… It’s just- I kind of always admired it? It takes courage for people to leave their homes behind, to leave their life, to become a killer but still manage to walk with their head high in honor. There’s something pleasing knowing that I can provide maximum security to my friends and family. Not to mention the benefits you could get from me being there too, i-if you even still want to be with me.” Iwaizumi said softly, reaching a hand out to dry some of those tears out of Kageyama’s eyes. 

“Idiot… We’re not married.”

“Not yet.” Iwaizumi promised. “Let’s see if I even survive camp. When I come back, if I stay in it, we’ll get married and-”

“Stop…” Kageyama shook his head, “Stop please, stop. You can’t just tell me you’re going to marry me, and then leave me…” 

“I-I’m sorry…” Iwaizumi sighed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I’m thinking selfishly…”

“A little bit, yes… I can’t wrap my mind around it. Wanting to do the most dangerous thing in the world… I wish I’d known sooner, because a month isn’t even enough time for us. I still have to go to school, and you’re still a distance away to get to, Iwaizumi. Why… are you doing this…” Kageyama bit his lip, needing to distract himself even just a little bit. He snatched the rope up, leaning over to undo Iwaizumi’s knot, and he started rolling it up. “I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t like it.”

“At least you’re honest about it…” 

“How long are you going to be gone for?”

“It depends on them… If I do bad, they’ll send me home early, if not, I’ll probably be there up to half a year to a year?” 

Kageyama threw the ropes in his bag, angrily zipping the bag shut. “I’m just supposed to be okay with not seeing you for a whole year? I have one month left with you, but you’re leaving for a whole year? Do you see the problem?”

“Yeah… Now I do…” Iwaizumi muttered, pushing himself to stand up. He looked down at Kageyama. “Which is why I’m giving you the option to break up with me, or stay… I don’t expect you to stay, and if you felt like you were going to go to someone else for comfort, I want you to leave. I love you, and I always will, okay, Tobio? But this is going to be a new… hell for you… And if you want to opt it, do it.”

Kageyama blinked away his tears, lip pursing a bit as he watched Iwaizumi’s face. He looked down at his book bag, slipping it onto his back before he got up, then  _ glared _ at Iwaizumi. “You’re a jerk right now.”

“Probably.”

“You know I’m not going to leave you.”

“I’m hoping you don’t…” 

Kageyama gave a soft sigh, running a hand through his bangs. The first thought that went through his mind was him going to the university he needed to, and not having Iwaizumi there to cheer him on. But then again, Kageyama wasn’t cheering Iwaizumi on right now either. Thoughts weighed heavily. He wouldn’t know when Iwaizumi would be home, when they would take him back, what wounds he would get- he would end up joining one of those military wives groups and going to many tributes, and probably stalking Iwaizumi’s base just to make sure he was okay. 

“You have to promise me that no matter what… you are going to come home to me.” Kageyama said softly, unable to stop his words, unable to stop his permission on letting iwaizumi do this. “I don’t care if you’re dying, bleeding out, about to see that white light, you better wake up and come back home.” 

In a way, he was joking, but in an obvious way, he wasn’t. He gave Iwaizumi a weary look, but offered a small smile. “Promise me that, and I’ll try to cope with it.”

“I… I promise.” Iwaizumi nodded. “I’ll come home bloody before I die.”

“You’re disgusting.” Kageyama cringed, causing Iwaizumi to chuckle. “And you have to marry me now, there is no way out of this.”

“I will marry you. You’re already my husband, practically. 2 years of dating, might as well just live together.”

“Except you’re leaving me to go overseas.”

“Hey…”

“Sorry…” Kageyama grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm, leaning in to give his cheek a small kiss. “Let’s go… I’m hungry, and you look like you need more water.” 

With a nod from Iwaizumi, Kageyama started walking over to their car. First thing was first, when he got home, he had to check over the benefits of being married to a soldier and see if they even applied to a gay couple… He wanted to check over what he could do to possibly stop this too… Kageyama might have agreed to letting Iwaizumi going to camp, but that doesn’t mean he was going to let Iwaizumi actually go into war. He would stop it if he could. Unless… Of course.... It really did make Iwaizumi happy…

God, please, don’t let him be happy there… 


	2. Where the Moon Doesn't Shine

**One Year, Six Months Later...**

 

“Finally! We have a soldier in the family!”

“What a wonderful thing to celebrate! Look at our boy, he’s so big and strong!”

“Wow, wow, Iwa-chan, you completed what you thought was impossible.”

“Aren’t you proud? You made it.”

“Oh, but please be careful, Iwaizumi-sama!”

All these voices sounded loudly in Kageyama’s ears. How perfectly everyone could mask their worry for Iwaizumi’s sake, letting him feel like he had truly accomplished something, but deep in Kageyama’s heart, he felt like Iwaizumi had just signed his soul away to the devil. He could feel his throat tightening, face heating up as more people swarmed around his lover to congratulate him for making it through. It got to the point where Kageyama had to remove himself, sitting out on the porch of Iwaizumi’s family home, staring out into the acres of land they owned, a cigarette between his fingers.

He could not, and would not fake happiness for the other. He hoped and prayed very hard for this day to not happen, but of course, it did. Every congrats was a stab to Kageyama. Congratulating Iwaizumi on being brainwashed? Taught to kill? He would be a murderer and savior, a hero and a villain, but if that was what Iwaizumi wanted on his conscious, so be it. Placing the stick between his lips, he took a long drag before slowly letting it go. How could Iwaizumi’s father talk him into this? It was basically playing Russian Roulette with countries that hated him for doing his job…

Hearing the screen door creak open, Kageyama looked back only to see none other than Iwaizumi himself. He killed his cigarette, slowly getting up, wrapping his sweater close to his body as if to hide his displeasure, though apparent on his face. “You look happy.” Tobio said in a light, airy voice. “Everyone else seems to be, too.”

“I know you’re upset-” Iwaizumi began, only to be cut off with a light scoff, and a gentle hand placed on his chest.

“Hajime, you are my world. I don’t know how else to say I love and care about you other than those words. I know I am being very selfish, but I can’t put on a fake smile like your mother, and get ready to let you walk into a world where it will permanently hurt you. You are so strong, and smart, and brave, of course they’re going to put you out there. They ensured that you got extra training because they wanted to put you in a special forces group.” Kageyama’s blue eyes started to tear up as they stared into Iwaizumi’s brown ones. “You didn’t listen to me when I begged you to stop… I’m not upset at you, I’m scared I will lose you. Sometimes the strongest is not good enough… And… that’s what … I am fearing…”

Just as Kageyama choked on a cry, he felt Iwaizumi’s arms wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. Those strong hands rubbing his back to console him, but it only made Kageyama weep more into the chest. He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to calm himself, but it was a challenge.

A soft sigh left Iwaizumi’s lips as he kept the setter close to his body, sliding one hand into his hair, while the other kept rubbing his back. Within a few seconds, they pulled apart and Iwaizumi cupped Kageyama’s face. “Listen to me. I know your fears and worries. My mom already spoke them to me, and told me what you have said, and she has felt for herself. Sure, she is smiling, but I know I am causing you both a new type of pain. The only thing I can do at this point is ensure that I keep myself alive to come home to you.” Iwaizumi smirked softly, brushing tears off Kageyama’s cheeks. “Don’t kill me before I even stepped outside the field. I don’t want you to think I’m invincible, but don’t count me as dead either. If you doubt me, I won’t make it.”

“You know I don’t doubt you…” Kageyama huffed, sniffling as he cleared the rest of his tears away. “The world is big, and you’re just one man…”

“With a  _ team, _ Tobio, a team. Sometimes, you still forget, that large things take a full team to carry through. It will be okay.”

“Okay…” Kageyama shrugged lightly, giving up. With a frown still on his face, he slipped his hand into Iwaizumi’s to hold tightly. “I believe you. Not happy. But I believe you.”

“Good.” Iwaizumi pressed a soft kiss against the setter’s cheek, guiding him back into the family house. There were black and navy blue balloons scattered all over the place with a few poorly placed streamers here and there. It was still a painful reminder that Iwaizumi was leaving again soon…

Hand in hand, they both walked into the kitchen, and everyone cheered at Iwaizumi’s return. Slipping his hand free, Kageyama scooted over to Iwaizumi’s mother and Oikawa. Brown met blue, and Oikawa finally gave up the smile he was holding. He leaned into Kageyama’s ear, whispering, “I really don’t like he’s doing it either, Tobio-chan. But keeping a face will only add on guilt to him if he does end up in a bad scenario.”

“Huh…?” Kageyama peeked at Oikawa, “What do you mean?”

“I’m not an expert, but, I think if he had a last moment in his life, he wouldn’t want a flashback thinking, ‘haha, Tobio-chan is probably saying ‘I told you so’ to me right now’ … I’m not saying to be gung-ho supportive like his dad, but… a little bit of back up might make it easier on him…”

Kageyama gave a small nod, taking the words into consideration. He raised his hand up to the silver chain around his neck, twirling the small locket. It was a gift from his mother to express her happiness on Kageyama and Iwaizumi’s relationship once she got over her homophobia. The memory made him smirk a bit, because this big beefy idiot was there too, and she just couldn’t keep her hands off him.

Bowing his head slightly in thanks to Oikawa, he excused himself from the rest of the party, and slipped to the bedroom he was sharing with Iwaizumi upstairs.

* * *

 

**Later that night…**

 

Iwaizumi walked up into their bedroom, tossing his shirt off as soon as the door closed. He walked behind Kageyama, arms wrapping around his waist as he gave soft yet hot kisses on his neck. The setter tilted his head slightly, allowing a few more of those kisses to be placed before he turned around in those strong arms, hands on Iwaizumi’s chest. With a soft kiss to the soldiers lips, he locked eyes with Iwaizumi, and gave a small smile. “Need to unwind?”

“A little bit…” Iwaizumi muttered under his breath. “But if you’re not up for it…”

“No, we can. I just- wanna tell you something first.” The setter took Iwaizumi’s hand, guiding him over to sit down on the bed, and he placed himself to sit on his lap. “I’m sorry about my attitude. It’s been so long, I should be at least happy to have you with me again…”

He continued, “I do have faith in you, and I believe in you. I’m not going to hold you back and I’ll support you. I’ll give you my prayers, my thoughts, and hope. All of it. I think it’s just my fear of missing you that’s making it harder for me… But… Ahh, I just don’t know what to say other than, I love you so much, Hajime. So… So much… So… You have to promise me that you will try your hardest, not just to come back home, but… to fulfill the protection of this country…”

Iwaizumi’s eyes searched Kageyama’s in awe, smiling softly when he found the sincerity his boyfriend was speaking. Iwaizumi squeezed his waist with a soft hug, but when he felt Kageyama’s hand push at his chest, he looked at him confused. In the setters hand, was a chain, and it looked like Kageyama had been gripping it tightly. Iwaizumi gave a small nod towards it. “What’s that?”

“The locket I was given… It has a picture of us on one side, and there was a picture of you on the other… But I replaced it with a picture of me…” Kageyama took one of Iwaizumi’s hand, placing the small object into his hand, and curling his fingers shut for him. “Just in case need motivation… You can look at it and hear me cheering you on…” 

“Tobio…” Iwaizumi uncurled his fingers, and a warm smile came on his face as he closed his hand protectively around it again. “Thank you for this…”

“Can’t have you going out there without a reminder that you have a boyfriend. Which also is a reminder that if you think you’re falling for one your soldier friends, you’re not.” Kageyama pointed at himself, “Because you have me in your pocket, judging him.”

Iwaizumi scoffed, shaking his head, “Don’t worry about that. I am perfectly in love with you.”

“Mhmm.” Kageyama rolled his eyes slightly, a small moment of silence taking over. Just as Iwaizumi was about to open his mouth to say something sentimental, Kageyama threw his arms around him, pressing a hard kiss to his lover. “You needed to unwind… right?”

Iwaizumi raised a brow, hand tossing Kageyama onto the bed like a doll, as he began to crawl over him. A smile came to Kageyama’s face as his arms locked around him. “Right.” Their lips locked into a nice, hot kiss, Kageyama’s legs moving to wrap around Iwaizumi’s waist, and the soldier’s hands starting to make their way under the setter’s shirt. 

Whatever it was he wanted to say was quickly forgotten, and rewritten with his body instead. 


End file.
